Things

Alright ladies and gentlemen, the time has come for me to make a triumphant return to the internets. I'm going to start out by congratulating Koman Coulibaly (the ref for the US-Slovenian soccer game) for one of the worst refereeing attempts I have ever seen. Why would FIFA hire a ref when his nickname is Sleepy Eyes? That's just asking for trouble. Hell, I would have rather him take a nap in the middle of the field than have him blow his whistle. The guy either didn't try, or he was recently named the Slovenian president. He is also named to another important distinction. Going back to my first post, this guy is the new head of S.P.E.D. hands downs. (see what I did there?? hands downs... like he has... nevermind) Let's move along shall we?

I'd like to talk about Slovenia for a bit. People will make a big deal out of the fact that Slovenia (which half of Americans can't even point out on a map) only has 2 million people. I don't care about that. If you have skill you have skill. When I think of an Eastern European country, yes that is where Slovenia is, I don't think about great soccer, I think of two things- assholes and consonants. Assholes because I imagine thats what it smells like, and consonants because everybody has at least 17 consonants in their name. Fact. That's all I have to say about that.

I was cutting the grass today when I saw my neighbor, no more than 6 or 7, swinging on his swing set. He was a good 3 feet off the ground when he suddenly leapt

off the swing, and landed head first directly on a tree root. No joke. A part of me was like

"ha what a dumbass," but then a part of me was like "THE BLOOD IS

EVERYWHERE." He was a trooper though, He got up, LICKED THE BLOOD FROM HIS FACE, and kept on swinging. He looked like Brian McBride after that elbow in the 2006 World Cup, but instead of De Rossi elbowing him, imagine a polar bear. And instead of an elbow, imagine him eating his fucking face off. That's what this kid looked like. I promptly turned around and questioned my own manhood. I would have cried like a bitch, and this 7 year old is still swinging?? Oh well, shit happens.

I unfortunately have no encountered any more stupid people at ENP, however the outlook is bright. $.99 kids meals are back, which, as you can imagine, always draws in the best caliber people.

I apologize this wasn't as epic as the inaugural blog.

More to come next week, I promise.